I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have demons in me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
