after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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