even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
