I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
