YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
