Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
