Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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