Swine flu. Run for my life!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
