wakey wakey hands off snakey
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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