I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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