woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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