Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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