Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
