kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
