4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
