Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
