p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
