I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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