I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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