I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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