Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
