My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
