I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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