Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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