her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
