but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
