Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
