yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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