Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
