Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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