never play flip cup with pint glasses
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
