may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
