I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
