I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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