I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
