I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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