you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
