Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
