I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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