i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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