You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
