Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hippo gnu deer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have to summon your inner elephant
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
