While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize