if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
