I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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