3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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