I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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