I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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