Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
