he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
