If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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