the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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