My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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