how can u be prego again
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
