Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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