i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
