I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
