This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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