Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
