So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
PANTIES FOUND
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