I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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