I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
