Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
