he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
