i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
