Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
