Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
